Hurdeling

I'm talking the advice from a really special person.

I'm chilling the fuck out.
I haven't been allowing myself to have fun.
I have been allowing work to become my everything...cause work is fun...but what about life?

I've been hurdeling myself through time and space. I'm angry. I spend too much time crying until it hurts.

Letting Go.

Last night I drank way too much wine and had wonderful conversation with 2 lovely new friends.

Today, I took some Advil and a bottle of water and I drove up the canyon. I opened all of the windows in my car and sang at the top of my lungs. The wind blew through my hair and I felt more free than I have in a long time. I breathed deep as the air became cooler the further I drove. I stopped in Webster's Flats, got out of the car and drank in the day. I layed in the grass, danced with a chipmunk, and thought about all the bull shit I have put myself and the ones that love me through. I laughed, hard, at my own flaws.

The papers came today. Stamped and Sealed. Done.

I'm gonna stop blaming everyone around me for the pain of the past. I must let go, I must breathe in and exhale the poisen that has made me bitter and suspicious, and angry.

That's not who I am. It has been for a short while. But, no more.

I chose this path...because it is what makes me happy. Then, for fuck's sake Erin! Have some fun!

"I'm still trying to live half a life on the road. Seems I'm heavier by the year, and heavier by the load". -Indigo Girls