Relationship Advice From A Failure

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


So I am back from Austria and I really do have lots of great stories to tell….

But I must take a moment and give some needed advice to all of you stupid ass people out there…and there are many of you…

TO YOU MEN:

If you are spending time with a woman and it is clear that there is an attraction, she in all likelihood will ask a question…5 little words that go like this…"Do you have a girlfriend"

There are two ways to answer this question.

If the true answer is no…then say "No". Whoo Hoo that was easy. Look at that go light!

If the true answer is yes…SAY "YES"

If the true answer is yes…DO NOT SAY "NO"

And for the love of all that is good, do not say "NO" and then kiss her.

And do not say "No", kiss her, and then continue a fake relationship for two weeks.

And DO NOT say "NO", kiss her, continue a relationship and then e-mail her to say that you had fun but you actually have a girlfriend, but it is cool because you are in an open relationship so you weren't cheating.

AND DO NOT SAY "No", kiss her, continue a relationship, email her about an open relationship, and then ask her to be friends.


TO THE WOMEN:

If your boyfriend decides that he wants an open relationship-this DOES NOT MEAN THE FOLLOWING:

That he loves you so much but isn't ready to commit totally.

That he is young and wants to be free before he decides that you are the one and only.

That he wants you to experience others so that your love can grow stronger.

IT DOES MEAN:

THAT HE WANTS TO FUCK EVERYONE HE SEES…but don't worry he keeps you around to look pretty on his arm when he needs a girlfriend…or backup sex when no one new is around.


And to MEN and WOMEN: Remember that you have a lot of terrific friends who don't lie to you…and you don't need new ones that do.


Thank you that is all.

Don't drink the water. There seems to be something ailing everyone.